i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
