Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I queefed so loud it echoed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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