call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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