She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
