i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
