i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Enjoy the penises
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
