I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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