Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
