he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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