i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
