Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
