rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
