The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
