You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
