man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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