I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
