evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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