it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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