Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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