Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
youre lurking in front of me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
