marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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