He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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