remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize