Plan B is the new Plan A
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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