I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need a beard to bite.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
