he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
