she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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