I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
