my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize