i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
