last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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