I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
