Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
