i just wanna soil my oats bro
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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