man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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