suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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