its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize