Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
