dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
