I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
