you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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