eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize