operation harelip BJ is a go
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
