dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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