I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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