If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
