the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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