Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
