There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
