as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
