How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
