I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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