So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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