Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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