Buhtt sex?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
