You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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