I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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