Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
