i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize