so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
