Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What a dumb baby whore.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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