**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
