I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize