If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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