she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
