There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Terrible idea I love it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
