watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
