just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
