If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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