i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
