You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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