the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
