Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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