don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
