Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
