Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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