my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
