So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
