your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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