Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
