my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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