She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
