What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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