I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
