The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
