Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
