i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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