We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
