i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
