I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize