I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
