Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
