I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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