I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
