Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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