oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize