Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
