i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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