Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
