people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
