now i know why i became what i already was.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
