Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
