when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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