my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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